2016: The year of realising stuff

30 November 2016

I feel like I should explain why I stopped posting regularly on social media lately. There are a few reasons and I won't go into all of them as I like some things to stay private. Sorry in advance for the essay.

I started blogging a few years ago because I genuinely enjoyed it. I loved putting outfits together and finding cute spots to take photos in and rushing home to get the post up. I don't remember exactly when, but it all changed one day and I started to obsess over it; stressing if I didn't have anything to post or if my likes were decreasing. Hating every photo of myself because I was comparing myself to others. I forced it for so long trying to make it work when I clearly didn't enjoy it anymore. I felt like every other girl was doing the same thing and it all became a numbers game.

I'm also the kind of person that hates doing what the crowd is doing. The industry started to get over saturated and everyone was following the same trends. There was no original content, just everyone copying each other.

When I first discovered bloggers, they were everyday, non-filtered girls inspiring other people either with their make-up or style. I hardly ever go through my personal Instagram as I just don't find any of it inspiring anymore. The amount of times I would buy an item of clothing after seeing it styled on another blogger to just be left disappointed, laughing at myself in the mirror. Seriously how do these girls pull everything off? It went on for ages until I realised I had to stop.

It just wasn't for me anymore. I should've stopped sooner but I was too determined to make it work. It was becoming difficult to even find stylish clothes that look good on a curvier body. I pretty much gave up on style and normal clothes this year and have worn my gym leggings and trainers almost everyday - even to meetings. I barely left the house, embarrassed, thinking I would be judged for it. It doesn't help that I work from home so some days I would just stay in my pjs all day.

This post wasn't intended to throw shade, I fully respect bloggers/instagrammers for what they do and it's actually a lot harder than it looks. It's just so disheartening to see these unrealistic perfect images of girls with 'perfect' bodies. I'm all for seeing pretty images on Instagram but not to the point where it affects your self-esteem. The media is making billions because they know how to make a girl feel bad about herself in every way. Cosmetic surgery is booming right now thanks to social media. Brands are only catering for one body type and skin colour. We shouldn't be made to feel like we need to change ourselves in order to be accepted. If you're changing something about yourself because it's bothered you for years and you know it will boost your confidence then fair enough. But to do it because of the social media influence is just crazy. It will never be enough for you.

I also got to a point where I felt so vain taking pictures of myself and posting them online for people to like and to comment on. No personality, just pictures. I've had comments on my pictures before saying "I wish I looked like you". I'm not comfortable with that and I certainly don't want to make anyone feel like they aren't perfect how they are.

There's a side to social media that I love, which is why I started a business doing it. I love to create content. I still love posting about my travels. Perhaps next year I'll make a point of posting about random things whenever I feel inspired. I also love watching vloggers as they seem more like real human beings with normal lives that we can all relate to.

I don't know. Maybe it's just me and I've just let things get to me that I shouldn't but I really feel like things need to change. I can only imagine what insecure teenagers go through. As if models and editorial magazines weren't enough, they will now be brainwashed everywhere they look.

Anyway, this is just a tiny bit of what is going on in my head at the moment. It's just been a very up and down year for me and I wanted to share my personal thoughts with you in hopes that maybe a few of you will relate.

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